Plan B is the new Plan A
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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