I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
