So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
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I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
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If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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