When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
