The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
