I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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