just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You are a genius and a whore.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
