omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
