tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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