I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
