yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
