Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
