Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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