who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
