Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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