i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
