For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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