the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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