dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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