obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
