3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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