I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
