when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
