Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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