literally had 100 drinks last night.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
