I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Say something about gay babies.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
