just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
