remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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