Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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