apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
