I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize