I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize