Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
