My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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