After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
