I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
