talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
