and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
