At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
