I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
