Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
