Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
