I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
