so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
