whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
