There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
