It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My feet surprised me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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