1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
