he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need to sanitize my soul.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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