I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
