don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
