We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
