yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
