I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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