so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
