the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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