Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
