Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
