Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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