I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
