Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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