You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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