Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
not ubering you a puppy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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