in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize