I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Randomize
