I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
