dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize