Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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