he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize