Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
