just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
