Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
