The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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