I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
